Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
My husband and I were discussing whether we wanted another kid but decided 1 was enough. We just need to figure out what to do with the other one now
My kid made me a gift and then sternly warned me “don’t lose it, I want to put it on your body when you’re dead,” so I have that to look forward to
My toddler said "I feel drinky" and yeah girl, same.
Picked up my sons from school and stopped to get gas, invited them to get out of the car and learn how to do it. Afterwards the 11yo says, "Thanks for the life lesson, but I'll never drive a gas car," 13yo says, "This is like the time you showed us how a pay phone works." 😂
Excellent news! My 9YO is half way done sharing her dream which she started narrating last Monday
90% of parenting is crumb identification.
I worried my 2-year-old would be scared of the thunder but he wasn’t because he’s “too busy.”
[After dropping a container of blueberries all over the floor] 8 y/o: See! This is exactly why I wanted chips!
Getting someone pregnant makes you a father. Secretly bending the hose your kid is using so the water stops flowing then suggesting that the hose must be broken and encouraging them to look inside as you release the pressure and set Old Faithful off in their face makes you a dad.
I was in the bathroom when my 5-year-old busted in there with a tambourine. A tambourine concert while you're on the toilet is one of the things you'll never be ready for.
i forgot to set the trash can out and missed the pick up. handing in my dad card. i have failed you. i have failed me.
There should be a different word for vacation when it’s with your kids. Like exhaustation.
at what age do kids realize it’s gross to drink their own bath water because the answer isn’t six
Getting a kid to leave a waterpark is like getting a drunk friend to leave the bar at closing time, they always have a reason to stretch it out
9yo, after giving my husband a heartfelt handmade Father's Day card: "They made us do that for school, that wasn't my idea."
“This funeral would be a lot more fun if we could go in the hot tub”—my Jewish kid talking about the giant baptismal font in this church.
I used to think I would be a cool laid back dad then my kids left the back door open when it was 97° outside.
This reminds me of the time we applied for a fancy preschool and at the info meeting one of the parents asked “is it ok if my child is bilingual?” pic.twitter.com/bYJs2xhK6M
If you ever feel like your kindergartener’s questions are not overstimulating you enough, chaperoning a field trip with your child and 22 other kindergarteners might be right for you.
My 5yo’s lunch bag came home yesterday with a bunch of noodles on it. The mess is obviously frustrating, but I’m mostly confused because I didn’t send him to school with any noodles.
Yay, summer! Also, uh oh, summer. - Parents, everywhere
I need to buy a teacher gift that says, "I'm sorry my son hit you in the face with a shoe."
My 4yo asked me what I’m getting him for my birthday tomorrow. This is how the argument started.
My daughter has decided she loves giving “massages”, or as I like to call them, “tests of mom’s pain tolerance”
[Watching our kids play] My wife: They are so weird, right? Me: I don't even notice anymore.